Formal, or Smart-Casual?

by Jane Fairfax
(Edinburgh, Scotland)

I was recently invited to a very swish birthday celebration which was held in a beautiful, luxury hotel. It was a wonderful setting for what should have been a perfect evening. But alas, the host and hostess made a few simple mistakes in their planning which could have easily been avoided. I would like to share these with you

DRESS CODE
The invitation stated “Black Tie” yet the host & hostess both appeared in rather more casual attire which although very stylish, was not formal evening-wear at all!

PRE-DINNER DRINKS
This was held in a private bar where a cash service was being offered. Expecting your guests top pay for their drinks in fine in my book, but the bar was so badly stocked and the service so poor that it made a very bad first impression.

GIFTS
Although the host had requested that gifts were not expected, a few guests still brought one. These were then opened with great ceremony at the dinner table thereby ensuring that all of those who didn’t bring a gift were left feeling somewhat embarrassed!

DRINKS AT THE TABLE
Each course was thoughtfully accompanied by very well chosen, excellent wines. However, a guest sitting next to me doesn’t drink wine and proceeded to order a bottle of beer from the waiter. When it was brought to him, he was asked to pay for it – at the table! Personally, on such a lavish dinner as this, I would always include sundry drinks from the bar consumed at the table.

MIND YOUR LANGUAGE!
As the evening progressed and the wine flowed, some of the dinner guests began telling amusing after dinner stories to the entire party. In most cases, these were expressed with rather crude swear-words! Language of this nature at the dinner table is most inappropriate.

TABLE CENTER-PIECE
The guests were all seated at one, very large oval dining table. This had been set formally with all of the required glassware, cutlery, place cards, beautifully folded napkins etc. However, the vast expanse of space at the centre of the table, was completely bare! I would always decorate the centre of a formal dinner table with flowers, displays of fresh fruit, candles etc.


I believe that if you plan to host a FORMAL dinner a party, then it is important to follow the principles of proper dinner etiquette. Alternatively, you could instead make the occasion “smart-casual” rather than formal and that way relax a little more without having to become overly concerned about what is right and what isn’t!